One year post-chemo, and I just did my 3rd scan! Straight to the point: the scan was “great” according to my doctor! The celebration continues as things look steady! Are there still small qualifiers that slightly distract me from total relief? Sure. But that’s for another time. This post is about cleaning out the bad.
This was my first CT scan since the first two post-chemo were PETs. The CT is less radioactive, so as soon as we all felt ok with the steadiness of the first two scans, I was brought down to the CT level – warm, fuzzy contrast and all!
For now it’s time to celebrate. It is important to appreciate each step that I take away from my cancer days. How did I celebrate this fabulous news that came just two days after my 1 year anniversary of final day of chemo?
First, I went grocery shopping so I could make some yummy pumpkin-inspired junkyard chocolate chip cookies while watching The Great British Baking Show (my fav! love seeing a competition where people seem sweet and helpful and are so so talented). Although I love cooking, I rarely bake. However, it’s always my first instinct to celebrate or decompress with. What better way to celebrate than with a pumpkin Joe-Joe, chocolate covered pretzel, dark chocolate chis, and peanut butter cup cookie?!
Second, I relaxed the rest of the evening and spread the news about my good results. My scan was very early in the morning, I walked there and all around the city amongst the 4 appointments I had that day, and so that means I logged 6.5 miles and was pooped.
The next day I made what felt like a big step forward for me. It was time. I cleared out my chemo/cancer corner that had gotten set up in our apartment. Below is a before pic.
Immediately after diagnosis, when midline / PICC care, fertility injections, piles of paperwork, never-ending prescriptions, and lots of various medical supplies got thrown at me via insurance and helpful hospital nurses/technicians, I needed somewhere to organize it all. My fiancé and I already had so little space given our downtown, apartment living, so my family built shelves for me that I’d ordered off Amazon. The fabric boxes added a little more style (and privacy) too compared to piles on each of the shelves.
You can imagine that over the course of basically a year and a half that little bits of everything have piled up. One box was snacks and some gifts. Another area was anything paper I’d received. I hardly used or read most of it, actually. That doesn’t mean my family or someone didn’t find it helpful, but there was only so much I had energy for. One box was journal, wedding, and self care related things (lotions, chapsticks, etc). The last box was full of endless stores of alcohols swabs, face masks, gloves, antibacterial, green caps, and picc line supplies. And yes… I still had my sharps disposal containers with all of my oocyte retrieval needles.
I think I kept these things because of how terrified I was of how terrified I’d be to have to restock. Keeping them wasn’t as bad as this imaginary scenario I’d dreamt up where I would cleanse our space of them, but then find that I’d need to reintroduce it all if I got more bad news with a bad new scan. Living out the definition of traumatized right?
Before last week’s scan I resolved that if I got good news, my heart and my husband deserved a makeover of the cancer space. As I mentioned before, I got that steady state news and made myself get immediately to work cleaning.
It felt great to part ways with things I no longer associate with my daily life. There were piles of things to file, shred, sort, and throw out. Over the course of a few hours, I’d finally restored some order. Although the change is small, it feels like a major cleanse. Now I am so much more likely to read my books (I’m the type to have 2-3 in process at a time) or grab my journal. The space feels open and has things that now spark my interests and thoughts towards my goals – a complete 180!
Next to do: find a home for all of my “extras.” I have the wonderful problem of having a bunch of supplies available to donate to a shelter, school or somewhere. Open to suggestions on where I can pass these on!