I want to be more creative. Creativity is something that has always taken a backseat during my “grown up” life. My audit work life, especially post-treatment, was always prioritized before any hobbies or creative outlets (except for cooking, but you have to eat…). Photos were probably the extent of my artistic side and why I definitely spend too much time on Instagram. I’d paint occasionally, but it was once in a blue moon. Given the types of jobs or proposals or team turnover I was on, there was always something to work on or research when working at the firm. I wouldn’t have any energy leftover to execute a painting, a drawing, a blog post, or even a person journal entry (no T charts!) by the time I got home – typically around 7:30/8pm. Below are a couple things I did over the course of a couple weekends when J was out of town.
When work was taken out of the equation during chemo in June 2018, the urge to be productive expressed itself like it never has. I had never had the time during this more mature phase of life to just create. Productivity via creativity was how this blog came to be, I did a lot more watercolor painting, I practiced some calligraphy (figured I could maybe save some dollars on wedding stuff down the line), and eventually the app Procreate took my desire to draw and create to an entirely different level. Even my husband’s vows a couple weeks ago mentioned how this was a unique side he’s never seen before – I hadn’t really either!
Writing, as I have mentioned before, has never been my strong suit. My thoughts in writing (and often in person) are out of order and I easily get distracted thinking of the next thing. That and any watercolor or calligraphy eventually got to be too much to do as my chemo effects piled on heading into last fall. My fingers were in pain with any extra pressure due to neuropathy. The drug(s) damaged the nerves in my extremities, resulting in a painful but numb feeling when my fingers or toes would come into contact with anything. It’s a common side effect, and we saw it coming, so nothing was alarming. It just gets annoying as that happens and your strength / energy dissipate – you can’t open up jars, bottle caps, or jewelry clasps. Those jewelry clasps are basically impossible anyways so imagine fumbling around with them with prickly cotton balls on your finger tips…
So as reflected in my blog post frequency and the number of email updates my support system got (yay TinyLetter!), my creativity hibernated again for a bit. As my strength came back in the Spring, drawing on my recently gifted iPad was my go-to. It was portable and there was so much for me to learn about what I could do with Procreate. I was hooked! More than half the fun is figuring out how things work anyways! I’ve messed around and deleted plenty. But I’ve also made drawings of couples for engagement cards and gifts. It was the best compliment when one of the couples that received a card asked what Etsy shop I got it from!
I also designed our wedding and made the paper goods – those creative juices really got flowing after leaving work and I had the perfect motivation to stretch my imagination. Work had stymied all of this newfound creative energy, and it took away time I wanted to spend communicating with other survivor friends / people who asked for advice so I got out. There were many other reasons and things that aligned so I could make that decision, but this is me trying to train my brain to stay on topic and not open another window to start notes on another blog post at the same time as I write this. I’ve probably done that for 95% of the posts I’ve written! The draft folder just can’t take anymore.
What I’m trying to get at is that now, with all of this available time to work with and wanting to encourage this exciting and curious creative side, I’m now struggling to learn how to wrangle it in. I want to encourage continued growth and do so in a productive manner. First, I believe I need to practice creating every day DURING THE DAY. Not having a schedule means I get very distracted and can readily say that I’ll put that project off to tomorrow. The problem with that is my mind still runs with things and still sees inspiration and opportunities. That means that I lay down to go to bed and all of these thoughts bubble to the surface before I fall asleep, and then I get excited and can forget Z’s… Then I am tired the next day and not motivated to execute anything that I dreamt up the day before. Writing this out, I realize I’m setting myself up terribly. So here’s me putting the goal out into my universe! I want to improve upon myself in this area and to figure out ways to utilize this energy or refine my thoughts and figure out if it’s hobby-worthy. There. I said it. Now to go do it!
PS – this is very inspired by Elise Blaha Cripe’s new book that I flew through. It’s tone and graphics and format made it so fun and easy that I couldn’t put it down! Congrats, girl! And thank you!