So happy to be off my infusion leash! 2/3 of the way through this whole F-ing regimen!!
It was another uneventful hospital stay, and it included the end of one of the most emotional weeks I’ve had since diagnosis in May/June and then hair loss in early July. Getting to this milestone and halfway through this regimen made my heart and mind wander all over the place. Even though the midway PET scans came back great, seeing remaining cancer activity is never going to be something I’m comfortable with – even if my doctors have confidence that we’ll knock it out. Given the size of the mass at the start, there were never great odds of it being wiped out at the halfway point so they believe I’m right in track. It’s an hour by hour struggle, if not more frequent sometimes.
It’s also a challenge to stare down the end of this treatment, and after getting my butt kicked with Round 3, knowing side effects are just going to compound as we go forward. Whatever it takes though. We at least are coming from the position where we SO thankfully know the plan is working so I am happy to forge ahead (even if most of the time is spent in bed or trying to have the attention span to watch something or read). An acquaintance from college fighting her own cancer battle was totally right when she said you’ll find yourself re-watching movies you saw before treatment. It can sometimes just be too hard to pay attention for that long (I will exclude Crazy Rich Asians from that though!). Yay for on demand classic movies and nice, simple reality TV!
Back to this stay… The beeping was at an all time low so thanks to those of you that have sent your messages cursing the infusion bubbles! Thanks also to those that sent messages to keep me distracted here, and of course to my family for the sleepovers and saving me from hospital food (explained later). The visits were kept to a minimum this time, and totally depended on the day, because I was just so tired. If we ever hang out at the hospital or outside of it just be prepared that I may take a cat nap at any point. It’s no reflection of how interesting I think you are 🙂
I’ve got some hair on my head that has decided to stick around; my eyelashes and eyebrows are dwindling down though (but also sometimes growing?). By day 3 this round and last, I’m so sensitive to ideas and smells of certain foods that I may gag and my preferences change constantly. Sometimes I feel like I’m talking about a pregnancy… Towards the end of my last 3 week cycle food stuff was pretty much back to normal. The hospital food here is actually pretty great with a big menu that you get to choose from like room service. I think i just know it’s hospital food and that’s enough to talk myself out of liking it anymore. Plus, I’ve pretty much already tried everything by now.
Now that I’m heading home I’m preparing to semi-hibernate for the next week or so while I sleep to let my body recover, and so I avoid germs since I basically won’t have an immune system until the Neulasta kicks in. Round 3 was the first time that my white blood cells (the ones fighting germs and the bad stuff in all of us) really bottomed out so things should be similar for the duration. Doctors are tracking everything else too in my blood and if my platelets get low enough I may need a transfusion.
I’ll just try to relax each day though and let the poison and my body do its thing. When I think about it, there’s so much bad and so much good happening inside me that I’m really thankful I don’t feel any worse and that I’m still able to walk out of here under my own power – it’s great to feel comfortable rejecting the wheelchair nurses offer each time I’m discharged. Now time to get ready to go home!